But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
