Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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