one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drake has all the answers
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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