can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she peed on how many people?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
