My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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