i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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