I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
