There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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