I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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