i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
