she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
