Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
