Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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