I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
