god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
