After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet he comes in French.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
