Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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