Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
