you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
