I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
