Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
