You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
