I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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