dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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