I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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