I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
