I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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