Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
