I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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