I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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