Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
