I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
