that's an acceptable place to lick
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
