Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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