I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
