Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
