did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
