he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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