Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize