I want to make a zoo with you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
