alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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