a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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