omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm both gender and math confused
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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