Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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