I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
