she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
