I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
