Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
