If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
