And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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