I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
