woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't turn off my feet"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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