Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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