And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
